We have been building up our little plot of soil to use it to the best of our ability and provide for our family. Check out what we are working on at the Reynolds Urban Homestead.
Monday, January 11, 2016
The Reynolds Urban Homestead
We have been building up our little plot of soil to use it to the best of our ability and provide for our family. Check out what we are working on at the Reynolds Urban Homestead.
A New Year
As much as I would love to blog consistently our lives do not allow that right now. So I will have to provide updates when I can.
This past year has been encouraging. Jonathan has gone from having 5 appointments each week to weekly Occupational Therapy, monthly Psych appointments and just booster sessions with the child/family therapist. He will be starting Speech therapy in coming weeks and has been attending a therapeutic preschool 4 days a week for half days. We have seen a lot of progress in his social skills. I cannot express enough what a blessing this team of professionals has been to our family.
Jonathan has begun expressing his needs and can now identify his emotions. He has so many tools that we have been learning to help him self regulate and now, though not consistently, he will use deep breaths or his yoga positions to help himself calm down.
We went through a season of bliss when Jonny started his new meds last year but in the last few months we have had some significant challenges. The stress returned and we could see the effects of it on the other kids. One of them had developed an anxiety related tick that had seemed to resolve when Jonny was responding well to his meds. It has returned which has been hard to see as a mom. The big kids have grown so much in their empathy for those who are struggling and we are so proud of them but it is hard to see them sacrifice so much just so we can manage some peace in the home. So much time and energy is devoted to Jonathan that they often have to forfeit precious time and activities.
We are seeing a lot of positive growth but the day to day is still extremely hard. The therapeutic preschool has given us a few hours each day to regroup and focus on the other kids and let them feel heard. We are so grateful for that time. It has also provided opportunities for Jonny to stretch socially and begin relating to peers. The teachers in his room are trained in dealing with kids who encounter challenges and they have been a great support to us as well.
This is a new year with new challenges and opportunities and we pray that the way we embrace them will glorify God and bless those around us.
1Monday, April 13, 2015
This is a great article. I wish we had had more info and resources when we first adopted but I am so grateful for the support we have now.
Post Adoption Depression & FASD
Post Adoption Depression & FASD
Friday, January 30, 2015
Struggle
One of the hardest things in dealing with our little man's issues day to day is that one strategy may work with him one time or for even a few days but then it is no longer effective. We have to come at issues with a whole toolbox of options and then after trial and error determine what is going to work today. We have been using a lot of visual aids with him thinking that due to suspected memory issues it may help solidify what we are asking of him. I made up a chart for his wall that has pictures of choices he can make when he is feeling out of control. There is a picture of a child in his prayer corner praying, a picture of Jonny and Daddy and Mommy with conversation bubbles, a picture of toys, a picture of books etc. The idea was we could lead him to the chart on the wall and he could see what his options were when he was upset. This worked as a prompt for discussion after he was calm but he refused to use it when he was getting upset.
Due to the very physically aggressive nature of his meltdowns we had to remove all the toys and furniture from his room. We got a cocoon swing from Ikea and hung it in the corner hoping it would have a calming affect and could be a refuge for him. He likes climbing it but wouldn't get into it. Yesterday we had a break through. When a meltdown started I scooped him up screaming and hitting and put him in the swing and began swinging him side to side. He didn't fight me or try to get out. Slowly he started to calm down. I asked him if it felt good to move that way and if it helped him feel more calm inside. We talked about him being able to go swing when he started to feel upset. Later that day when his anxiety started to kick in again asked him if he needed to swing and he said, "Yes." We did this the rest of the day anytime he started to feel anxious and again today and each time he calmed within minutes. THIS WAS HUGE. It is the first time he has engaged in an intervention voluntarily and sought out that same method of managing his disregulation.
Six months ago we were at a point where he would melt down 15 times in a matter of 6 hours. His meltdowns could last anywhere from 15-45 minutes at full force. We have come so far. Between the assistance of our support team in therapy and medications he is able to better process things and slow down enough to work through issues.
The swing may seem like a very small thing but it gives me hope that if we continue working diligently with him he can gain the tools to cope when his environment or circumstance is overwhelming or overstimulating. In our last evaluation we learned that Jonny's intelligence and verbal capacity are both extremely high but his visual spacial capacity and working memory are much lower. This makes learning hard for him. He also has extreme anxiety which just amplifies his struggles. It was interesting to gain insight into how his brain is working and where his strengths and deficits lie. We could see why he wasn't able to read facial expressions and use the visual tools as easily and why it seemed he had grasped something like learning colors one day but the next it was as if he had never known their names.
Seeing how far he has come since we began working with our support team gives me hope. We prayed so hard for this little guy that God would protect him against the effects of the alcohol he was exposed to in utero. It was a crushing blow to see that this precious boy who seemed to be growing and developing ahead of schedule and bonding with us so well had more damage to his brain than we realized. That is the tragic thing about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder-it is often an invisible disability. It is a painful spot to be in as a parent when people pass judgement on your parenting style or child's behavior because your child "looks perfectly normal" or is really smart. So much of what you struggle with as a parent of a special needs child others won't understand. Having your child hurt you and not being sure you can physically be safe as he grows is a scary thought. Knowing that when your child really needs comfort you cannot touch him is painful. You go through a grieving process realizing the future you had envisioned for your child is not realistic.
Raising Jonny has been the most humbling experience of my life. He has been the instrument God has used the most to break away any illusions of my own capabilities. He has shown me how powerful prayer is and how dependent I am upon it. He has shown me how completely God loves me. Loving Jonny has shown me how dependent I need to be upon Christ to carry me through and to give me the proper perspective and attitude as I parent. Our family does not much resemble what we had envisioned when we started this adoption journey. Everything takes a lot of preparation and adaptation and things don't often run smoothly but when I step back and look at our family today I see a picture that God has composed Himself. I see our children who have grown leaps and bounds in there understanding of the suffering of others. They have grown in a spiritual depth I never could have imagined for such young people. They have become such a testimony to me. Our family is blessed to have our little man, with all the struggle and pain we have learned just how deep the Love of God is. The more we learn the more we can make accommodations for Jonny so he can thrive. Day by day we are adding more tools to our toolbox and day by day God is faithful.
Jonny's struggles aren't something that can be fixed and we can't know what his future will look like. God didn't choose to shelter Jonny from the damaging affects of alcohol but he did place him in a family that loves him immeasurably. So my challenge is how can I embrace this struggle? How is God working in it? How can raising Jonny make me more like Christ? When it comes down to it this life is not about my comfort, or my being super mom, this life is struggle, it is an opportunity to fight the passions and come to reflect more of the image of God. This life is preparation for the life to come.
Due to the very physically aggressive nature of his meltdowns we had to remove all the toys and furniture from his room. We got a cocoon swing from Ikea and hung it in the corner hoping it would have a calming affect and could be a refuge for him. He likes climbing it but wouldn't get into it. Yesterday we had a break through. When a meltdown started I scooped him up screaming and hitting and put him in the swing and began swinging him side to side. He didn't fight me or try to get out. Slowly he started to calm down. I asked him if it felt good to move that way and if it helped him feel more calm inside. We talked about him being able to go swing when he started to feel upset. Later that day when his anxiety started to kick in again asked him if he needed to swing and he said, "Yes." We did this the rest of the day anytime he started to feel anxious and again today and each time he calmed within minutes. THIS WAS HUGE. It is the first time he has engaged in an intervention voluntarily and sought out that same method of managing his disregulation.
Six months ago we were at a point where he would melt down 15 times in a matter of 6 hours. His meltdowns could last anywhere from 15-45 minutes at full force. We have come so far. Between the assistance of our support team in therapy and medications he is able to better process things and slow down enough to work through issues.
The swing may seem like a very small thing but it gives me hope that if we continue working diligently with him he can gain the tools to cope when his environment or circumstance is overwhelming or overstimulating. In our last evaluation we learned that Jonny's intelligence and verbal capacity are both extremely high but his visual spacial capacity and working memory are much lower. This makes learning hard for him. He also has extreme anxiety which just amplifies his struggles. It was interesting to gain insight into how his brain is working and where his strengths and deficits lie. We could see why he wasn't able to read facial expressions and use the visual tools as easily and why it seemed he had grasped something like learning colors one day but the next it was as if he had never known their names.
Seeing how far he has come since we began working with our support team gives me hope. We prayed so hard for this little guy that God would protect him against the effects of the alcohol he was exposed to in utero. It was a crushing blow to see that this precious boy who seemed to be growing and developing ahead of schedule and bonding with us so well had more damage to his brain than we realized. That is the tragic thing about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder-it is often an invisible disability. It is a painful spot to be in as a parent when people pass judgement on your parenting style or child's behavior because your child "looks perfectly normal" or is really smart. So much of what you struggle with as a parent of a special needs child others won't understand. Having your child hurt you and not being sure you can physically be safe as he grows is a scary thought. Knowing that when your child really needs comfort you cannot touch him is painful. You go through a grieving process realizing the future you had envisioned for your child is not realistic.
Raising Jonny has been the most humbling experience of my life. He has been the instrument God has used the most to break away any illusions of my own capabilities. He has shown me how powerful prayer is and how dependent I am upon it. He has shown me how completely God loves me. Loving Jonny has shown me how dependent I need to be upon Christ to carry me through and to give me the proper perspective and attitude as I parent. Our family does not much resemble what we had envisioned when we started this adoption journey. Everything takes a lot of preparation and adaptation and things don't often run smoothly but when I step back and look at our family today I see a picture that God has composed Himself. I see our children who have grown leaps and bounds in there understanding of the suffering of others. They have grown in a spiritual depth I never could have imagined for such young people. They have become such a testimony to me. Our family is blessed to have our little man, with all the struggle and pain we have learned just how deep the Love of God is. The more we learn the more we can make accommodations for Jonny so he can thrive. Day by day we are adding more tools to our toolbox and day by day God is faithful.
Jonny's struggles aren't something that can be fixed and we can't know what his future will look like. God didn't choose to shelter Jonny from the damaging affects of alcohol but he did place him in a family that loves him immeasurably. So my challenge is how can I embrace this struggle? How is God working in it? How can raising Jonny make me more like Christ? When it comes down to it this life is not about my comfort, or my being super mom, this life is struggle, it is an opportunity to fight the passions and come to reflect more of the image of God. This life is preparation for the life to come.
"God’s grace always assists those who struggle, but this does not mean that a struggler is always in the position of a victor. Sometimes in the arena the wild animals did not touch the righteous ones, but by no means were they all preserved untouched.
What is important is not victory or the position of a victor, but rather the labor of striving towards God and devotion to Him.
Though a man may be found in a weak state, that does not at all mean that he has been abandoned by God. On the cross, the Lord Jesus Christ was in trouble, as the world sees things. But when the sinful world considered Him to be completely destroyed, in fact He was victorious over death and hades. The Lord did not promise us positions as victors as a reward for righteousness, but told us, “In the world you will have tribulation — but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world” (Jn. 16:33).
The power of God is effective when a person asks for the help from God, acknowledging his own weakness and sinfulness. This is why humility and the striving towards God are the fundamental virtues of a Christian." - St. John Maximovitch
“A continuously happy life produces extremely unhappy consequences. In nature we see that there are not always pleasant springs and fruitful summers, and sometimes autumn is rainy and winter cold and snowy, and there is flooding and wind and storms, and moreover the crops fail and there are famine, troubles, sicknesses and many other misfortunes. All of this is beneficial so that man might learn through prudence, patience and humility. For the most part, in times of plenty he forgets himself, but in times of various sorrows he becomes more attentive to his salvation.”- St. Ambrose of Optina
Monday, January 26, 2015
In 2011 we expanded our family through adoption. We were blessed with a son almost nine months after we began the adoption journey. Our little guy has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), and this has created many challenges. The Simple Soap was born out of our desire to be able to work together as a family and provide more time focused on the special needs of our son. We wanted to do something we were passionate about and we explored many options, but eventually we discovered soap.
In early 2014 we launched The Simple Soap! Our family first fell in love with bar soap after moving to the Pacific Northwest. There is an abundance of finely crafted soaps available, but we truly believe that The Simple Soap is the best you can buy. The Simple Soap is made from the finest organic ingredients. We combine natural palm (sourced from Rainforest Alliance certified farms in Columbia), coconut and olive oils with herbs and essential oils to provide long lasting, fragrant and luxurious feeling soaps. Our soaps are not made with perfumes and additives that tend to dry out and irritate the skin. When our customers use The Simple Soap they can be confident that they are making a healthy choice for both their families and the environment.
Our lives have been forever changed because of our little man. We have been challenged by his great needs and blessed beyond words by his adorable personality. We have learned what a gift it is to give love to a special needs child and have seen again and again how that love can heal.
From January 26th-February 8th enter our drawing for a 3 Bar Box of our handcrafted organic soaps shipped in time for Valentine's Day. For more details on how to enter click here Share the Love.
It is our desire to bring you the highest quality handcrafted organic soap with the best customer service. From our family to yours, enjoy!Catching Up
It has been a long time since I last posted on this blog. Our lives have taken some big turns. From the time of my last post we began seeing significant changes in our little man. What seemed like a frustration in trying to communicate before having all his words ended up being the early warning signs of some significant issues that were results of his alcohol exposure in utero. In May 2014 we were at our breaking point. We had moved to a new state, were living in a small apartment with 7 of us, and were between jobs. It would be an understatement to say we felt our frailty and need for complete dependence on God. He answered our prayers with a home that had a yard and room for us to separate the boys into their own rooms (which was essential), a job for Aaron and an amazing support team of therapists and doctors who helped us navigate some very rocky terrain. There are so many blessings that have been visible in our little man's story but I think the support team we have in place now has been the greatest answer to prayer. Jonathan's needs have required a huge commitment from all of us. He needs constant in sight supervision and frequent interventions throughout the day. He has had numerous assessments and appointments in the last year and all this has taken a tole on the family. We ended up with a long string of diagnosis that helped us better understand how Jonathan's brain had been affected by the alcohol and how we could make accommodations that would allow him to better cope in our world and experience success. He has shown great progress in the last 6 months. We have been blessed to attend some pretty incredible training and gain knowledge that has enabled us to better understand our little man and meet his needs. We are so very grateful for the miraculous ways God has provided over the past two years and the ways He continues to work in our family.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
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