Last week we got a call from Sharon. She needed to find out some details in order to complete her report on our home study. She said she was hurrying to complete it because we were being shown to some moms in particular a mom had requested our profile Monday. I was literally shaking when I got off the phone with Sharon. It was so exciting to know we were being viewed by birth moms and potentially could be matched at any time.
Today Sharon told us that the specific mom she had mentioned had chosen a different family. It was kind of disappointing because all week we knew we could get the call to set up a match meeting.
I was struck today with the realization that going through the adoption and especially the matching process really makes you consider who God is. There are two ways that I have felt during this process. On one hand I KNOW that God has a baby for us and this will all happen in His timing. On the other hand there are so many factors-is the birth mom looking for a family with or without children? Will she want a parents who are the same race? Will it matter that we live so far from Phoenix? Will she want parents who have both completed college? The questions are unending and there are no answers. Then there is the number of waiting families and the urge to watch the numbers dwindle as couples are matched. Depending on your view of God's involvement in the adoption...or in life, actually, you may think these details affect you being matched.
What I have come to realize though is that if we truly believe that God is sovereign (and He is) then nothing matters but that we obey. It doesn't matter how many couples are out there waiting, what your family size is, what your talents or race are. If He is sovereign than HE IS SOVEREIGN! We just have to obediently take each step He lays before us and trust that He will orchestrate the mystery of this gift.
Our response to the ups and downs truly reflects and depends on our view of who God is. Yes, we were hopeful. Yes, we are excited to know we are being shown and that couples are being matched. Through all the ups and downs God will be constant and our trust needs to be placed in Him! Satan will grasp at any opportunity we give him to gain a foothold in our minds and doubt is a tool that seems to work really well. Just a bit of what I has been churning in my head.
Emily, thanks for sharing and for your honesty. A friend of mine with 2 adopted children said this part of the process was the hardest and she felt like each time their family was not chosen or the adoption fell through, it was like a miscarriage. She said it was helpful to let herself grieve a little, not to stay there, but to grieve. I thought that was honest and wise because when she didn't bring that grief to the Lord, Satan totally took over.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Sam. She's right. Last night Aaron and I got to talk more and I did get to grieve a bit. It is just so important (as you said) to give that to the Lord because I know for me personally I could mull over and over the scenario looking for went wrong when it just wasn't the situation God had for us. It's a hard process.
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